Gingersnaps

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men” – Frederick Douglass

As with so many young boys in the township, Siyabonga, a 14-year old teenage boy, has no male role model in his life.  No dad to emulate.  No dad to wrestle.  No dad to understand him.  His parents separated when he was only 5 years old, so for most of his life he has lived in a household of women.  Four to be exact… his mom, 2 older sisters and a younger niece.  

Kurt and I have come to truly love Siya.  His infectious smile, and boyish grins are endearing.  He is smart, athletic, always kind and polite to us and wants to please.  He is family. 

Over the last 4 years though, we have watched Siya struggle. Struggle to find his place as a boy/young man in a home and community that offer little to no guidance.  Nobody to walk him through ‘guy’ things… puberty, romance, self esteem, peer pressure… Or POWER TOOLS.

This has led Siya to become a follower.  Looking to other boys (who too, have no guidance), for “like-mindedness” and acceptance.  Never a good scenario.  And for Siya, it led him down a path of poor choices.  Actions that got him expelled from the township primary school mid-year last year (2017). 

You may be wondering why a 14-year old boy is in primary school?  Well, actually, Siya just turned 14 in December.  So for 2017, he was a 13-year old boy in Grade 5.  He missed a couple of years of school while being shuffled back and forth between his parents.  

In South Africa, the school year runs from January – December.  Grade R – Grade 7 are in the primary school and Grade 8 – Grade 12 are in the high school.  Unlike the U.S., the South African government system is set up so that you cannot skip a grade.  It does not matter if you are more advanced than the grade you are in… you cannot test up.  Every student must complete every grade.  So in Siya’s case, since he missed a couple of years, the schools would not even test him to see if he could be placed in a higher grade with peers his age.  

Here is Siya’s story…

Up until the age of 5 years, Siya’s father was in his life.  He was and still is a police officer in the Eastern Cape (a 3-hour drive from Knysna).  A man with a good job, but not a good man to his wife and children.  In the past, Siya was witness to his dad’s violence toward his mother and older sister.

A few years after his parents separated, Siya’s mom became very ill.  While she was in the hospital, he and his sister Zanele were sent back to live with their dad.  Siya was about 10-years old at this time. 

When their mother returned home from the hospital, she was confined to a wheelchair.  It was decided that since Siya’s dad was working, he and his girlfriend could better care for the two younger children. 

Now out of work and no way to pay rent, Siya’s mom decided to move to Knysna to live in the home of a relative.  She took her oldest daughter and her young niece, but left Siyabonga and Zanele behind.  This was a mistake.

Once their mother was no longer living in the Eastern Cape keeping tabs on her children, their father moved them out of his home and into the shack of another one of his girlfriends.  This woman was not pleased, but obeyed her boyfriend.   She allowed them to live under her roof, but she did not care for them.   Out of spite, the only food she would give them was usually old and moldy.   As if this wasn’t bad enough for Siya and Zanele, things got worse when their dad stopped visiting them and stopped sending money to this woman.  She didn’t kick them out, but she refused to feed them anything.   At 11-years old, Siya was left to beg for food on the streets and eat out of garbage bins.  He and Zanele were starving.  

Siya’s older sister got word of this through friends and relatives and saved up money to travel to Port Elizabeth (P.E.). to bring her siblings to Knysna.  When she arrived, her father refused to let the kids leave.  Not expecting this response, and fearing her father’s violence, she had to come up with a way to sneak them out of town.  This is when “Operation Sibling Rescue” hatched.  (At least that is what I am calling it!)

She told the kids to pack a few things and go to school like normal.  Then she told her father she was going to return to Knysna.  This was true, just not the whole truth.  She secretly went to their schools, got the kids and their transfer records, got in a taxi, and brought them to Knysna to live with their mom.

This is where I am supposed to say… And they lived happily ever after.  But I can’t.  As time went on, Siya’s dad stopped contacting him and sending money for child support. The young boy’s behavior started to decline.  He started lying and skipping school.   He was hurt, lost and broken.  He wanted his dad to love him.  To want him.  To be with him.  He begged to go back to P.E.  Siya did not remember just how poorly his dad treated him.  Or at least he did not want to remember.  He just wanted his dad.

And so it was.  He moved back to P.E. to live with his dad.  Within 6 months, Siya was crying to come back to Knysna.  His mother made him finish the year with his dad and then sent his sister back to P.E. to get him.  She was shocked at what she found.  A “street kid”.  Dirty, hungry, unschooled, unsupervised.  Really.  A street kid.  Nobody had been caring for him.  A 12-year old boy left all on his own.  Inexcusable!  Heartbreaking.

She scooped him up and brought him back to Knysna.  For months he was not allowed back in school because his father would not send his school transfer papers.  

Once he was enrolled, he was put into grade 4 as a 12-year old.  This was not a great situation, as he was so much older than many of the other children.  But it was how the system works.  The following year as a 13-year old in grade 5, Siya got mixed up with some other boys making poor decisions.  He was caught with dagga (pot) on the primary school campus… not once, but twice.  The second time got him expelled, and he was not allowed to finish Grade 5.

That brings us to where Siya is today.  Since he was expelled from the township school last June, he was not in school when the new year started up again in January.  And although the township school finally agreed to re-admit him this year, there wasn’t room.  He was turned away.  Denied an education at the age of 14!

That left 2 options.  (1) Let Siya become a young man that will never have anything higher than a Grade 4 education and chance losing him to “The Streets”.  Or (2) Search for a private school in town that will take him.

Option 2 was the only option we were willing to take!  After visiting a few schools, Kurt and I found a Christian School willing to accept him. This very small school groups children by age instead of grade.  Siya is in a class of 14-18 year olds (Instead of a Grade 5 classroom).  All of the students work on their own, at their own level.  A facilitator/teacher works with them one-on-one.  He just completed his first week and seems to be very happy there. 

With the generous donation from a couple in the United States, Siya’s monthly tuition and transport to school have been covered. 

This is Siya’s last chance. 

This young boy, that we have grown to love as family, will have no other chances after this one, when it comes to his education.  We are pulling for him.  We are praying for him.  We are loving on him.  With such a short time to impact his life each year, we pray that we can plant seeds that will carry him through until we return again next January.

We pray that he will embrace this opportunity and excel into the young man God has created him to be.  ~Tracy Cooper