Still or Sparkling?

“Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine!” –Jennie Finch

Whenever we order water at a restaurant in South Africa, the question we are always asked is “Still or Sparkling?”

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That got me to thinking…

Does God reveal himself to you in a still (quiet and reflective) or sparkling (exciting and exuberant) way?

It is probably safe to say that most of us have experienced both. There are times in our Christian walk when we are contemplative, seeking, listening, possibly even in a valley. Other times we are on the mountain top ready to shout the good news.

What about when you asked Christ into your heart? Did you experience a still, peaceful, quietness? Or did you experience a sparkling, life changing transformation?

I grew up in the United Methodist Church. And as is the tradition, my parents had me baptized as a baby and then I attended confirmation classes in middle school. Confirmation is a time to learn, reflect and choose for yourself whether you accept Christ as your personal savior.

I readily chose Christ, as I always believed. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t. So when confirming my faith in middle school, I did not experience a life changing, life altering, shall we say “sparkling” moment. It was just a matter of confirming my faith in public.

All was good.  I was confident in my faith. A stillness in my heart. And then, I heard some friends talk about the “day” they were saved.  They were born again. The exact date. The time. The place. The experience. Wow. It was such an eye opening, “sparkling” experience for them. And they will never forget it! They will remember that date forever.

Then the questions were asked of me. “When were you saved? When were you born again?”  Me? You mean an exact date? Well, I don’t know. Maybe my confirmation date? Is that when I was saved? Is that when I was born again? No; I don’t believe so. But at least it was the date I made my public profession of faith.  Hmm, if only I could remember that date. Then I would have an answer to these very awkward questions.

Over the years, those questions would cause me to doubt my salvation just a little bit each time I was asked. Am I “born again”? Am I “saved”? I have always believed. But I do not have a life changing, “sparkling” transforming experience to share. And I certainly do not have an exact date.  Hmm, if only I could remember that confirmation date.

I started to believe that I had to have a “sparkling” conversion experience in order to know I really had accepted Christ. I found myself asking Christ into my heart over and over again.  Whenever I attended youth events and everyone was invited to close their eyes and raise their hand to accept Christ, I would find myself raising my hand. Maybe this time I will experience that sparkling, overwhelming, earth shattering, life changing transformation. Then I would have a date and a story to share. But every time it was the same. A stillness of knowing Christ.

Then, as a young 20-something I attended a 4-day Christian Retreat. The weekend revolved around listening to 15 amazing talks presented by 15 different women. What I heard was so many awesome stories of how God transformed their lives. They were saved from so many different situations… alcoholism, drug addiction, abuse, neglect, bad marriages, failed relationships, etc. Their lives had completely changed when they accepted Christ. They had stories to share that would certainly help lead others to Christ.

Once again, I felt lost. What is my story? I have lived a good life. I grew up in a loving family.  Never got into any kind of trouble. Graduated from college. Got a good job. And on that retreat weekend, I was one month away from marrying the love of my life (Kurt).

I started to question myself again, “Am I really saved? Born again? Can I be if I have no story to share? No sparkling, life altering transformation?

Before that weekend was over, God revealed himself to me again in a still and quiet way and reminded me of my story. A very blessed life. A story of the grace, love and peace with which He covered me throughout my life.

I am thankful that my salvation story is one of stillness and peace. Now may my life story sparkle as Christ shines through me.  ~ Tracy Cooper

 

Laying Out a Fleece

Have you ever felt so ill-equipped to do the task God has laid before you, that you actually lay out a fleece before God?

“Gideon said to God, “If this is right, if you are using me to save Israel as you’ve said, then look: I’m placing a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If dew is on the fleece only, but the floor is dry, then I know that you will use me to save Israel, as you said.” Judges 6:36-40 The Message (MSG)

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Gideon was willing to do what God was calling him to do, but because of his feelings of inadequacy, he wanted confirmation.

There was a time when God called me so far out of my comfort zone, that I wasn’t really sure I was hearing Him correctly.  How could he possibly think I was capable of doing that job?

Have you ever felt that way?  How could God possibly be calling me to…  confront that person?… complete that task? … handle this situation?… move my family?… change jobs?

Well, that was what I thought.  I was fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom when our children were young.  A job I loved. I always knew that was the job for which I was created. So when I started to feel restless, 15 years into the gig, I wasn’t quite sure why.  Why would I consider doing anything different than what I have been doing? I am comfortable here. My family needs me in this role.

Yet, I was being nudged to do something new.  Something that might take time away from my family.  Was I ready for that? I didn’t know what it was, but the nudge was real.

The struggle started to take place just before Lent in 2004.  Lent, a time to reflect on the life of Christ. A time to dig deeper spiritually and to self-reflect.

Many of us use this time to sacrifice something we love.  This gives us time to reflect and pray whenever we are craving that “thing”.

Others of us choose to add something to our day.  Daily Bible reading, devotions, acts of kindness. Anything that helps us draw closer to Christ.

I decided to “add” to my day and read through “The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For?” by Rick Warren.  A 40-day study. Perfect.

As I went through the study, the nudge grew stronger.  It was definitely time to do something new. And what I was hearing was it was time for me to do some work outside of the house.

Well, that is a scary thought.  I haven’t worked in the professional world for 15-years.  What could I possibly do now? And besides, I love being a stay-at-home mom.

So, it was time to lay out my fleece.  Lord, if I am hearing you right and I am to go back to work, then you must meet these conditions.  Yes, that is exactly how I said it… snarky and all.

  1. I will work only during the hours my children are in school.
  2. I must have all holidays and summers off with my children.
  3. Although teaching is probably the only job that fits into these conditions, I cannot be a teacher!

I needed to know if it was just me feeling restless because my children were much more independent (10 yrs. – 15 yrs at the time);  or if it was God putting this restlessness in my heart. Hence, the fleece.

Well, God accepted the challenge.  He immediately dropped an opportunity right into my lap.  New Life Church was looking for a new weekday Preschool Director and asked me if I’d consider the position.  The thing is, my degree and experience were not in education. I knew that I knew nothing about being a preschool director (except that I was a preschool mom for many, many years).

Ok, let’s check the fleece.  Surely it won’t pass the test.  (1) √, (2) √, (3) √.

But wait God, I forgot to add one more condition.  (4) It must be something I know how to do. God has such a sense of humor!

I knew His answer, “I have fulfilled all of your conditions.  Now you must trust that I will equip you for the job.” Wow. How do you argue with that?

I accepted the job and learned that I needed to hire a new staff and purchase a curriculum.  Did I mention I was not an educator? Hiring teachers and choosing a curriculum were completely out of my comfort zone.  “Trust me,” I heard.

God supplied the preschool with amazing, qualified teachers and an awesome curriculum that year.  And I knew that He was in control!

I was blessed to be in that role for 10 years.  And I was amazed that God used me in a position I never imagined I was capable of doing.  And I wasn’t.  But He equipped me, guided me and provided me with everything I needed because I trusted Him.

Are you being called out of your comfort zone?  Have you laid out a fleece, yet still don’t trust that God will equip you?  I encourage you not to miss the opportunity God is calling you to. Trust him.  If He is calling you, He will equip you!

We serve an awesome God.  ~Tracy Cooper

Living a Life on Purpose

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

Kurt and I had the opportunity to listen to a former prison gang member address an audience of community leaders, parents and teachers.  Here is his story…

A young boy growing up in the Cape Flats of Capetown, South Africa, Welcome Witbooi was a “Straight A” student in school.  His dad was a successful business man that put high expectations on his son.

Because of his intellect, academic drive and small stature, he was bullied by the other students in school.  When he went home to what should be a place of safety, love and encouragement, his father would tell Welcome he could do better.  What is better than straight A’s?

Because of his low self esteem and his father’s emotional abuse, Welcome was sought out by a street gang.  Gangs sit and observe the community.  They have plenty of time on their hands.  So they sit.  They observe. They wait.  And when the time is right, they pounce.  They are keen to know which children are seeking acceptance and are ready and willing to step in and offer it.

And so it began for Welcome.  At 14-years old, a young man from a gang called, The Firm, drove up in a canary yellow BMW and invited Welcome in.  He befriended Welcome offering him time, money and acceptance.  Welcome was hooked.  He did what he was told to do in order to join the gang.  It started with robbery.  Then progressed.  But he was now part of a group who accepted him.

At 17 years old, Welcome was given his first firearm.  It was time to gain more respect from his gang.  This meant he must take the life of an innocent person.  Before he could, he and seven other gang members were caught in the midst of a home invasion (robbery and attempted murder).  The gang convinced Welcome that because he was the only one under the age of 18, he must take the fall.  The courts would never give him more than two years.  Welcome believed them.  The judge sentenced him to 23 years in prison.

His cocky attitude led him to believe that this was no big deal.  His gang family would be there to visit.  To get him out.  Not once did anybody show up.  He was on his own.

Being in a South African prison is very dangerous.  They are run by numbers gangs.  I don’t just mean the gangs are prevalent.  I mean they run the South African prisons.  As I wrote in the blog post “Gang to Grace”…

In South Africa, numbers gangs control the prison populations.  Once prisoners are sentenced by the South African Department of Corrections (DOC), they are classified into 3 different categories. These categories are either economic offense, sexual offence or a crime of violence. This determines what gang they will join upon arrival. The 26s are thieves, responsible for gambling, smuggling and accruing wealth in general. The 27s are the guardians of gang law, murderers.  And the 28s are the most senior gang, the warriors.  They accrue wifies within the prison population by raping new prisoners.  They are also in charge of the flow of food supply.  There isn’t a prison in South Africa without numbers gangs.  It is a nationwide brotherhood.  New prisoners are recruited upon entrance.

Welcome realized that because of his small stature, he had better figure out how not to be a victim of rape in the prison.  His only chance was to climb the ladder of the 28’s gang.  So that is exactly what he did.  He made it all the way to “General”.  The stars on his shoulders prove it.  Each star represents the murder of a prison warder or another prisoner.  He has 4 stars on each shoulder.

As the senior gang, the 28’s earned money in prison through extortion, prostitution, drugs, etc.  The gangs run so deep and are so interconnected within the prison system of South Africa, they run like a well-oiled machine.  And here was Welcome at the top.  General.  Now called Nongoloza (leader of the 28’s).  Commanding over 2500 inmates.

After years of this life, Welcome was tired.  He says that although he was at the top, he lived in fear.  At any time a lower gang member might try to kill him to try to get his spot.  He wanted out.

Numbers gang members know there is only one way out.  Death.  However, as Welcome reached the highest level, he learned there was another possibility.  Welcome wanted to plead his case.  He wanted a chance to turn his life around.  In order to do that, Welcome had to negotiate with the prison administration to transport four other Generals from four other prisons to his prison to hear his case.  His request was granted.

Four 28’s Generals were brought to Welcome’s prison.  A room was cleared and ready for his case.  Each General stood in the four corners of the room.  Then Welcome was escorted into the room naked and put in the center (naked so that the Generals knew he had no weapons on him).  Two Generals stood in from of him… the “one who sees” and the “one who hears”.  Two stood behind him… the “executioners”.

It was at that time that Welcome said he wanted to retire.  He pleaded his case that he had performed well for the 28’s over the years, but it was time for him to get out.  He wanted to turn his life around.  After he spoke, the Generals escorted him out of the middle of the room and discussed amongst themselves whether he will live or die.  Then he was put back in the middle, facing the same two as before.  However, before the four Generals began their discussion, one turned to Welcome and said thank you for teaching me to read and write.

As Welcome stood in the middle, he had no idea whether this would be the end of his life or the beginning of a new chapter.  The two in front would say he could leave the gang, OR the two in back would stab and kill him.  His life was spared.

Welcome spent two more years in prison before being released.  He believes that the only reason his life was spared and he was allowed to leave the gang was because he taught one of the other Generals, somewhere down the line, how to read and write.

Welcome lived a life of crime and unspeakable acts.  He is not proud of what he did.  But he knows he can use his past to help bring change to the future.

Since being released from prison in 2012, Welcome has worked with offenders who were being introduced back into society.  He works with young boys and girls involved in gangs to get them out. He works with institutions of education to get kids back into school.  Welcome has a foundation that works with children individually, giving them a sense of identity and belonging.

He also conducts parenting workshops to help parents understand the activities their children are involved in.

While here in Knysna, Welcome spent a couple of days in the community.  He walked the streets in day and in night, met with boys involved in gang activities, met with parents, community leaders, school administrators and teachers. 

His mission is two-fold.  To youth, he talks about the importance of education, how to avoid the false sense of security of being in a gang and explains the horrific life of a prisoner.  To adults, he speaks of the importance of responsibility and accountability of the youth in the community.  The parents and teachers must be active in the lives of the children.  Know where they are.  Who their friends are.  The things they are involved in daily.

If good influential adults aren’t there to engage with the youth, the gangs are ready and willing to take their place!

After living the life of Nongoloza, Welcome says he is “Finally, Welcome”.  He is redeemed.  Living a life on purpose.

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Sidenote… Welcome is not only a motivational speaker, he is an actor and an author.  He starred alongside Forrest Whitaker in “The Forgiven”, consulted on prison gang culture for the movie “Four Corners” and has an autobiography titled “All is Not Lost”.

Almost … but not quite.

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” – Mother Teresa

Have you ever experienced the “Almost … but not quite”?  You almost made the team, but not quite.  You almost got into the Honor Society, but not quite.  You almost crossed the finish line first, but not quite.  You almost passed the test, but not quite.  We can all think of times we had an  “almost … but not quite” scenario.  We wanted something so badly, but we just missed the mark.

It is a frustrating, disappointing and heartbreaking place to be.

Now imagine being almost part of a family, but not quite.  Feeling unwanted.  Given a place to live out of obligation.  Sitting on the fringes of the family circle.  Nobody rejoicing in your successes.  Nobody helping bear the burden of your hurts and disappointments.  You are just the niece.  Just the cousin.  Just another mouth to feed.  Just a burden.

Ntsibeng Shete is a  21-year old Sotho girl whom I met 2 years ago (January 2017).  At that time, she was in her metric (senior) year at Concordia High School in the Knysna Township with her hopes set on attending university.  She and I worked together after school navigating through Life Science.

(Side Note: Sotho /su:tu is one of many tribes in South Africa.  The sotho people speak a language called Sesotho.  It is one of the eleven official languages of South Africa.  This is Ntsibeng’s native tongue.  She now speaks Sesotho, Isixhosa and English).

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Ntsibeng

Born in 1997 in the Mtata Township on the Eastern Cape, Ntsibeng’s life began with tragedy.  She almost had a dad in her life, but not quite.  Two weeks after she was born, her father died of complications from diabetes.  She would never get to know a father’s love.

Instead, her family would be all women… Ntsibeng, mom and grandma.   A common family unit in South Africa’s Townships.   Absent dads.  Present grandmothers. 

This could and should work.  It did for six years.  Then Ntsibeng’s mom grew restless and decided it was time to make a change.  So she did.  She moved several hours away to the Western Cape and left Ntsibeng behind.  Yes, she left her 6-year old daughter behind.  Ntsibeng felt abandoned.

For the next four years, Ntsibeng lived alone with her grandma.  Although she longed for her mom to return, Ntsibeng loved her grandma dearly.  “She was my everything”, she said with a big smile on her face. 

Little did this young girl know how drastically her life was about to change in 2007.  She was 10-years old and excited that her mom decided to return from the Western Cape.  What she didn’t know was that her mom was very ill.  She had contracted HIV and TB while away.  She had also given birth to a son who Nsibeng knew nothing about.  A 4-year old little brother.

As she began to process these new life changes, the return of her mom and the introduction of a younger brother, Ntsibeng’s grandma was diagnosed with and died of breast cancer.  2007 proved to be a very emotional year for such a young girl.  A roller coaster of emotions.  Heartbreak in the loss of her grandmother.  Joy in the return of her mom and new brother.  Ntsibeng was still so young.  She believed things would be OK.  They would begin to live as a new family unit.

Or would they?  “Almost … but not quite.”

In July of 2008, only one year later, her mom got worse.  Ntsibeng, 11-years old at the time, remembers her mom telling her to go find someone to help.  She ran out of the house to find a neighbor, but when she returned, her mom had already passed away.  Ntsibeng honestly believes that her mom sent her away so that she would not watch her die.  One final act of love from a mom with whom she had spent so little time.  A relationship almost mended, but not quite.

Funerals are expensive.  Especially to those living in poverty.  To pay for these expenses, the relatives had to sell the grandmother’s house. This in turn left an 11-year old girl and 6-year old boy with no place to live.  What would happen next?  The decision was made to separate the sibliings.  Baxolele (her brother) would remain in the Eastern Cape and live with his grandmother’s sister.  Ntsibeng would be sent to the Western Cape to live with her mom’s brother and his wife.

With so much chaos, turmoil and uprooting in her life, Ntsibeng missed a lot of school.  She arrived in Knysna in 2009, and almost passed grade 4, but not quite.  She would have to repeat.

The years moved along. Life in her uncle’s home was hard.  His wife refused to accept Ntsibeng as “their” child.  They had their own children.  Ntsibeng was just the niece.   A “Cinderella” life style ensued.  Ntsibeng felt like the unwanted outsider.   Made to do all of the chores while her cousins played.  Foster care money was received, but not spent on Ntsibeng.  She still remembers having no clothes that fit.  “When I moved up to High School (grade 8), I still had to wear the primary school uniform for quite some time,” she said sadly.   It was embarrassing for her.

Finally in 2014, when entering grade 9, Ntsibeng was able to convince her mom’s sister to allow her to live with her family in the same township in Knysna.  Baxolele joined her there (from the Eastern Cape), filling the 2-bedroom concrete block home with 9 people.  Ntsibeng and Baxolele were sent to sleep outside in a wooden shack with no water or electricity.  Unfortunately, the same “Cinderella” life style began to unfold for her.  After all, she was once again, just the niece.  Her aunt and uncle had many of their own children to care for.

Ntsibeng watched her cousins participate in  extra curricular activities, but to her, the answer was always “No, we don’t have enough money.”   It was made clear from the start of her matric year, that they would only support their daughter to University.

Ntsibeng started to flounder.  What would she do now?  She wanted to continue her education,  but was not accepted into University for 2018.  Her marks were almost high enough, but not quite.  She knew she had to rewrite two of her courses in order to apply again for 2019.

Since that would be at the end of 2018, she decided to get a job to get her through the year.  She saw an ad for a job at the hospital at the information desk.  She applied, interviewed and got the job. 

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Ntsibeng dressed for a job interview.

Ntsibeng struggles with feeling loved by family.  Although she was fortunate that relatives allowed her to stay with them over the years, she never felt as though she was looked at as “their” daughter.  Instead, she was always an outsider.  Almost part of each family, but not quite.

This year, Ntsibeng was accepted to the University of Fort Hare in the Eastern Cape.   She almost started her college career, but not quite.  She panicked.  She had never been to see the University.  She knew she would have to look for accommodations.  She had nobody to counsel her or willing to go with her to sort things out.  She could not get herself to make the 6-1/2 hour trek there with so much uncertainty.  So, she didn’t go.  A missed opportunity.  A setback for another year.

Ntsibeng is a sweet girl.  She continues to bounce back from life’s disappointments.  This week she has applied to and is training for a server job in a restaurant.   She knows that her aunt and uncle want her out.  If she lands this job, she just may be able to rent a shack of her own.

Hopefully next year, 2020, Ntsibeng will be a University Student.  She does not need another  “almost … but not quite” year!

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Ntsibeng and Tracy

“C”ooking Good!

“Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there’s a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living.” ~ Author Unknown

Dreams.  We all begin dreaming of our future at a very young age.  Preschoolers proudly proclaim their future occupation at their graduation ceremony…  Fire Fighter, Doctor, Vet, Super Hero and Princess to name a few.  They believe they can be whatever they want to be.

My new friend Siphenkosi Sihono also has a dream — to be a chef.  “I really enjoy cooking,” the 24-year old told me over a hamburger the other day.

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But unlike many of us, dreaming of a future was not something Siphe (pronounced See-pay) did as a youngster.  With so many obstacles and failures in his life, why dare to dream?

Born in the Eastern Cape of South Africa in a village outside of Mount Frere, Siphe’s mom relinquished him to his grandmother’s care, immediately after his birth.  “Why?”, you may ask.  She was married at the time… but not to her baby boy’s father.  She knew her husband would never accept him nor allow her son to grow up in their household.

And so began his life …  Siphe would grow up in his grandmother’s wooden home with no running water and no electricity.  He became part of a household where 9 other cousins were already living.  A very poor family where enough food was often a challenge.

But when asked how his life was growing up, Siphe responded, “My Gogo (grandmother) is a good woman.”  His grandmother made them a family.  She gave them a place to live and provided what little she could.  He was happy.

(Side Note… Mount Frere is a very small, underdeveloped town in the Eastern Cape.  The closest residents to the town live in rural villages ruled by Tribal Chiefs.  These villages are still lacking basic services like proper roads, electricity and water.  River water is still used by many who don’t have water tanks to collect their water.)

Throughout the years, Siphe’s mom would visit him when she could.  His father did not.  He had no contact with his dad until he was 16-years old.  

None the less, life went on… Siphe attended the only primary school in the village where the education was very poor.  When he started High School, the only school around was 5 kilometers away.  With no transportation available,  he hiked to and from school each day.  There he attended but failed to pass Grade 9.

It was then that Siphe learned that his father, was moving to Knysna with his wife.  Knowing that the schools were better in the Western Cape, Siphe asked if he could move with them.  He pleaded his case for a better education.  Surprisingly, his father and his wife agreed.

In 2013, Siphe moved to the Knysna township with his dad and stepmom.  They rented a wooden shack with no electricity and no running water.   Siphe didn’t complain.  He was used to that way of life.  This was his chance to get a better education.  This was going to be the turning point in this 18-year old’s life.  He was starting a new school in a new town.

Throughout the school year, things in his household deteriorated.  His dad was drinking.  The yelling started.  His stepmom left. The turmoil took a toll on Siphe.  His studies suffered.  He failed grade 9 again. 

Siphe was now 19-years old, with no hope of finishing High School.  His dad had given up on him and insisted he get a job.

His goal to finish school, had become unachievable.  This only confirmed why you do NOT dare to dream!

As he walked around town handing out his CV (resume), a woman took notice.  She was the manager at the grocery store and saw that he was 19-years old and had not yet completed and passed grade 9.  Unacceptable.  This boy must be in school.  She contacted our friend Ella to see if she could help. 

Ella and her business partner Penny met with Siphe and gently encouraged him to move into Ella’s Safe House and return to school.  Siphe took them up on the offer and moved into the Lukhanyiso Safe House.  So, at 19-years old, Siphe would attend Grade 9 again at a different high school in the same Knysna township.  Would the third time be the charm?

Yes!  He passed grade 9 with a bit of struggle.  But he passed!  And it was now time for this 20-year old to have some privacy and be a little more independent.  He was so much older than the other children in the Safe House, so Ella moved Siphe into a wooden house on property her mother owned.   Due to a dispute over the land, Siphe’s new shack became a target.  It was burned to the ground with the few things he owned.

Time to give up?  Throw in the towel?  He was struggling with his grades so much, that even Ella recommended he leave school in grade 10 and learn a trade. 

Siphe wasn’t ready to give up.   He was determined to achieve his goal.  And he did.  He successfully completed and passed, not only grade 10, but 11 and 12!  He matriculated (graduated) from high school at age 22.

As I spoke with Siphe and to others about him, it is obvious he has never been one to get into trouble.  He is very respectful and endearing with a squeaky clean reputation.  He put his nose to the grindstone, stayed out of trouble and accomplished his goal of finishing high school.

Siphe now dares to dream of a future.  He wants to be a chef!  He envisions himself working as a chef on a cruise line or in a hotel.   When asked if he had ever been on a boat, his answer was “No, never.”  Hmmm, I think he may want to go on a boat ride before accepting any jobs on the water!

Working toward his new dream, Siphe, with financial support from the Khayamandi Foundation, is currently attending South Cape College in Oudtshoorn, South Africa.  He is beginning Year 2 of a 3-year program where he will earn a diploma in Hospitality and Catering.  His classes include Catering Theory, Applied Management, Safety and Sanitation, and Nutrition and Menu Planning.  As part of the program he must complete practicals where he works in the industry.

Siphe has to work hard to succeed.  Schooling does not come easy to him.  But he is determined to succeed and is willing to put in the work.  He now knows he can accomplish his goals and dare to dream of a future!  

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